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Bath time is way more fun when dad's not around.

Bath time is way more fun when dad's not around.

Only my wife and daughter know what I like with my morning coffee. And my wife is out of town.

Only my wife and daughter know what I like with my morning coffee. And my wife is out of town.

Since the first time she caught me staring, mom started showering outside more, not less.

Since the first time she caught me staring, mom started showering outside more, not less.

Breakfast is when my sister starts to tease me for the day.

Breakfast is when my sister starts to tease me for the day.

My mom can be a bit smothering at times, but in a very good way.

My mom can be a bit smothering at times, but in a very good way.

When sis asks me for a foot massage, we both know it won't end there.

When sis asks me for a foot massage, we both know it won't end there.

Beaches are nice, but my sister and I prefer the privacy of an indoor pool.

Beaches are nice, but my sister and I prefer the privacy of an indoor pool.

When my half-sister and I play hide-and-go-seek, she only half hides.

When my half-sister and I play hide-and-go-seek, she only half hides.

Before even arriving at the first hotel, sis wanted to start bonding on our summer road trip.

Before even arriving at the first hotel, sis wanted to start bonding on our summer road trip.

I'll have to think of more ways to reward my sister's BJ skills, since I'm running out of medals.

I'll have to think of more ways to reward my sister's BJ skills, since I'm running out of medals.

I may only have ten minutes between online classes, but mom makes sure I get the most out of them.

I may only have ten minutes between online classes, but mom makes sure I get the most out of them.

I may only have ten minutes between online classes, but mom makes sure I get the most out of them.

I may only have ten minutes between online classes, but mom makes sure I get the most out of them.

After a yummy dinner at my aunt and uncle's, it was time to explore my cousin's room.

After a yummy dinner at my aunt and uncle's, it was time to explore my cousin's room.

The fun cousin gets invited over more.

The fun cousin gets invited over more.

Only my wife and daughter know what I like with my morning coffee. And my wife is out of town.

Only my wife and daughter know what I like with my morning coffee. And my wife is out of town.

When mom and I say we're going out for a drive, it's more like parking in a secluded area.

When mom and I say we're going out for a drive, it's more like parking in a secluded area.

When she finally gave in to me, I think sis was a little afraid of how much she liked it.

When she finally gave in to me, I think sis was a little afraid of how much she liked it.

Once I ordered the hotel room after dinner, my sister got the general idea. She just didn't know how far I'd want to take it.

Once I ordered the hotel room after dinner, my sister got the general idea. She just didn't know how far I'd want to take it.

With dad often on business travel, mom looks to me to keep the home fires burning.

With dad often on business travel, mom looks to me to keep the home fires burning.

Fewer questions arise when I visit my cousin through the garden entrance.

Fewer questions arise when I visit my cousin through the garden entrance.

As we got older, my sister and I replaced Saturday morning cartoons with another tradition.

As we got older, my sister and I replaced Saturday morning cartoons with another tradition.

When sis has a long day at school, I'm always ready as a stress reliever.

When sis has a long day at school, I'm always ready as a stress reliever.

In the end, it wasn't hard for my daughter to convince me that she's a grown woman now.

In the end, it wasn't hard for my daughter to convince me that she's a grown woman now.

Since I found the dirt on my aunt, she fears what I'll ask to do next.

Since I found the dirt on my aunt, she fears what I'll ask to do next.

To keep me from staring awkwardly at her volleyball matches, sis knows we have to pre-game first.

To keep me from staring awkwardly at her volleyball matches, sis knows we have to pre-game first.

Uncle Tony doesn't just stare at my sister anymore.

Uncle Tony doesn't just stare at my sister anymore.

There are no losers in a pillow fight with mom.

There are no losers in a pillow fight with mom.

Uncle Tony doesn't just stare at my sister anymore.

Uncle Tony doesn't just stare at my sister anymore.

At the last pool party of the summer, I finally convinced my sister to FreeTheNipple.

At the last pool party of the summer, I finally convinced my sister to FreeTheNipple.

When mom sees me making plans with girls, she asks: Why go out for hamburger when you've got steak at home?

When mom sees me making plans with girls, she asks: Why go out for hamburger when you've got steak at home?

Breakfast is when my sister starts to tease me for the day.

Breakfast is when my sister starts to tease me for the day.

Sis always wanted to be a dancer. I just steered it in a particular direction.

Sis always wanted to be a dancer. I just steered it in a particular direction.

Given how much she squirts, it's essential my sister stay hydrated.

Given how much she squirts, it's essential my sister stay hydrated.

Mom has never been shy about showing her affection at home.

Mom has never been shy about showing her affection at home.

Every day on Bali with my sister feels like heaven.

Every day on Bali with my sister feels like heaven.

Being known as the fun uncle just gets more rewarding over time.

Being known as the fun uncle just gets more rewarding over time.

To my welcome surprise, it only took mom one day of vacation to understand why I booked us a single room.

To my welcome surprise, it only took mom one day of vacation to understand why I booked us a single room.

During every family portrait session, there's always one goofy photo. Mom's just changed what she means by

During every family portrait session, there's always one goofy photo. Mom's just changed what she means by "goofy".

I only take long, steamy showers when mom's at home.

I only take long, steamy showers when mom's at home.

When my daughter wants to spend the night in my room, she knows PJs won't cut it.

When my daughter wants to spend the night in my room, she knows PJs won't cut it.

Every trip to the park with my cousin comes with a happy ending.

Every trip to the park with my cousin comes with a happy ending.

I think Aunty JJ and I are both going to enjoy this pool season.

I think Aunty JJ and I are both going to enjoy this pool season.

To keep me from staring awkwardly at her volleyball matches, sis knows we have to pre-game first.

To keep me from staring awkwardly at her volleyball matches, sis knows we have to pre-game first.

The Tuscan sun looks good on my sister.

The Tuscan sun looks good on my sister.

Hiding all my sister's undies in my room is only half meant as a joke.

Hiding all my sister's undies in my room is only half meant as a joke.

Daddy's little elves are already warming up for Christmas Eve.

Daddy's little elves are already warming up for Christmas Eve.

Before even arriving at the first hotel, sis wanted to start bonding on our summer road trip.

Before even arriving at the first hotel, sis wanted to start bonding on our summer road trip.

When mommy started paying me as her personal assistant, she expected me to act like one, too.

When mommy started paying me as her personal assistant, she expected me to act like one, too.

"This is the part where you get undressed too, nephew."

I only take long, steamy showers when mom's at home.

I only take long, steamy showers when mom's at home.

Sis and I decided there's only one way to truly celebrate the summer solstice.

Sis and I decided there's only one way to truly celebrate the summer solstice.

The best thing my sister said on our trip to Vegas was,

The best thing my sister said on our trip to Vegas was, "Why did you pay for two beds?"

Mamma knows best, are real m/d photos approved here??

Mamma knows best, are real m/d photos approved here??

When my sister and I found the 1970s bed where our parents made us, we decided to recreate the scene.

When my sister and I found the 1970s bed where our parents made us, we decided to recreate the scene.

Even in our shallow, inflatable home pool, I think my sister and I will make a few splashes this summer.

Even in our shallow, inflatable home pool, I think my sister and I will make a few splashes this summer.

An obedient daughter is a lifelong joy.

An obedient daughter is a lifelong joy.

When I confessed to my aunt that I had a thing for redheads, she just replied,

When I confessed to my aunt that I had a thing for redheads, she just replied, "Then what are you waiting for?"

To keep me from staring awkwardly at her volleyball matches, sis knows we have to pre-game first.

To keep me from staring awkwardly at her volleyball matches, sis knows we have to pre-game first.

"This is the part where you get undressed too, nephew."

My aunt has a thing for old-fashioned cocktails, old-fashioned décor, and old-fashioned inbreeding.

My aunt has a thing for old-fashioned cocktails, old-fashioned décor, and old-fashioned inbreeding.

Time flies in my apartment. So aunty is always in a rush when she leaves.

Time flies in my apartment. So aunty is always in a rush when she leaves.

Every day on Bali with my sister feels like heaven.

Every day on Bali with my sister feels like heaven.

Big sis promised to get me in shape this school year, no matter what it takes.

Big sis promised to get me in shape this school year, no matter what it takes.

When sis asks me to join her live streams, it's as co-performer.

When sis asks me to join her live streams, it's as co-performer.

Once we grew up, sis and I pushed the twin beds together.

Once we grew up, sis and I pushed the twin beds together.

Lakeside isn't as exciting as a beach, but my sister and I still manage to have a good time.

Lakeside isn't as exciting as a beach, but my sister and I still manage to have a good time.

Mom's always saying: two is the perfect number of sons.

Mom's always saying: two is the perfect number of sons.

Since mom started crawling into my bed, I shouldn't be surprised at catching my sister crawling into dad's.

Since mom started crawling into my bed, I shouldn't be surprised at catching my sister crawling into dad's.

An obedient daughter is a lifelong joy.

An obedient daughter is a lifelong joy.

With dad often on business travel, mom looks to me to keep the home fires burning.

With dad often on business travel, mom looks to me to keep the home fires burning.

Even in our shallow, inflatable home pool, I think my sister and I will make a few splashes this summer.

Even in our shallow, inflatable home pool, I think my sister and I will make a few splashes this summer.

I let my daughter do all the decorating, and she lets me do other things.

I let my daughter do all the decorating, and she lets me do other things.

There are some dares even I'm surprised my sister will go through with.

There are some dares even I'm surprised my sister will go through with.

Mom kept nagging me about when I was getting married, so as a joke, I proposed to her. It turned out better than I expected.

Mom kept nagging me about when I was getting married, so as a joke, I proposed to her. It turned out better than I expected.

Now when I hear mom running a bath, I know it's for the two of us.

Now when I hear mom running a bath, I know it's for the two of us.

When I found out why sis and mom take so long in the bathroom, I couldn't blame them.

When I found out why sis and mom take so long in the bathroom, I couldn't blame them.

While her mother works late, my daughter thinks up more interesting ways to pass the time.

While her mother works late, my daughter thinks up more interesting ways to pass the time.

When mom and sis team up, they give me the best birthday presents.

When mom and sis team up, they give me the best birthday presents.

Mom likes it when I hug her from the back, too.

Mom likes it when I hug her from the back, too.

While dad is busy watching football every Sunday, I get to score with mom.

While dad is busy watching football every Sunday, I get to score with mom.

There was one contest I thought sis could never beat me at.

There was one contest I thought sis could never beat me at.

I've been getting good vibes from my cousin all summer.

I've been getting good vibes from my cousin all summer.

The problem with ever-escalating dares with my sister is, I'll actually do them.

The problem with ever-escalating dares with my sister is, I'll actually do them.

I may buy her lingerie at every holiday, but I know my sister is still grateful.

I may buy her lingerie at every holiday, but I know my sister is still grateful.

When I confessed to my aunt that I had a thing for redheads, she just replied,

When I confessed to my aunt that I had a thing for redheads, she just replied, "Then what are you waiting for?"

As soon as Aunt Kacy got out of lockup, she called me for help reacclimating.

As soon as Aunt Kacy got out of lockup, she called me for help reacclimating.

Whenever my sisters ask me to pick between two styles, I always like both.

Whenever my sisters ask me to pick between two styles, I always like both.

When sis gets a little wine in her, she starts feeling very adulty.

When sis gets a little wine in her, she starts feeling very adulty.

Even when I make my bed in the morning, mom just wants to mess it up again.

Even when I make my bed in the morning, mom just wants to mess it up again.

After salsa lessons, aunty offered to show me the horizontal tango.

After salsa lessons, aunty offered to show me the horizontal tango.

To date, mom is definitely the best thing I've won at cards.

To date, mom is definitely the best thing I've won at cards.

It may be Weird Science, but if I had futuristic technology, I would use it to create the perfect big sister.

It may be Weird Science, but if I had futuristic technology, I would use it to create the perfect big sister.

After salsa lessons, aunty offered to show me the horizontal tango.

After salsa lessons, aunty offered to show me the horizontal tango.

When sis gets a little wine in her, she starts feeling very adulty.

When sis gets a little wine in her, she starts feeling very adulty.

I've found that having money helps me have my sister.

I've found that having money helps me have my sister.

The years of practice didn't truly pay off until my daughter confessed she was my biggest fan.

The years of practice didn't truly pay off until my daughter confessed she was my biggest fan.

I don't mind spending most of our boating trips below deck with my aunt.

I don't mind spending most of our boating trips below deck with my aunt.

Through my cousins I learned: twins always take care of each other.

Through my cousins I learned: twins always take care of each other.

As we got older, my sister and I replaced Saturday morning cartoons with another tradition.

As we got older, my sister and I replaced Saturday morning cartoons with another tradition.

The Tuscan sun looks good on my sister.

The Tuscan sun looks good on my sister.

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