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It may be Weird Science, but if I had futuristic technology, I would use it to create the perfect big sister.

It may be Weird Science, but if I had futuristic technology, I would use it to create the perfect big sister.

Mama-san gets no rest while we're both stuck in quarantine.

Mama-san gets no rest while we're both stuck in quarantine.

After salsa lessons, aunty offered to show me the horizontal tango.

After salsa lessons, aunty offered to show me the horizontal tango.

The Tuscan sun looks good on my sister.

The Tuscan sun looks good on my sister.

Together for the holidays, it's great to watch Nana appreciate mom almost as much as I do.

Together for the holidays, it's great to watch Nana appreciate mom almost as much as I do.

I've been getting good vibes from my cousin all summer.

I've been getting good vibes from my cousin all summer.

Beaches are nice, but my sister and I prefer the privacy of an indoor pool.

Beaches are nice, but my sister and I prefer the privacy of an indoor pool.

"This is the part where you get undressed too, nephew."

The years of practice didn't truly pay off until my daughter confessed she was my biggest fan.

The years of practice didn't truly pay off until my daughter confessed she was my biggest fan.

Mom likes it when I hug her from the back, too.

Mom likes it when I hug her from the back, too.

My cousin says the way you start the Lunar New Year is the way you'll spend the rest of it.

My cousin says the way you start the Lunar New Year is the way you'll spend the rest of it.

Convincing mom to do a boudoir photo shoot is only the beginning.

Convincing mom to do a boudoir photo shoot is only the beginning.

To keep me from staring awkwardly at her volleyball matches, sis knows we have to pre-game first.

To keep me from staring awkwardly at her volleyball matches, sis knows we have to pre-game first.

When mom sees me making plans with girls, she asks: Why go out for hamburger when you've got steak at home?

When mom sees me making plans with girls, she asks: Why go out for hamburger when you've got steak at home?

To date, mom is definitely the best thing I've won at cards.

To date, mom is definitely the best thing I've won at cards.

In our house, when one door closes, a bathrobe opens.

In our house, when one door closes, a bathrobe opens.

There was one contest I thought sis could never beat me at.

There was one contest I thought sis could never beat me at.

Every day on Bali with my sister feels like heaven.

Every day on Bali with my sister feels like heaven.

Fewer questions arise when I visit my cousin through the garden entrance.

Fewer questions arise when I visit my cousin through the garden entrance.

"No fate but what we make," I replied to my cousin before making my move.

When Auntie confessed she was desperate for a baby, I told her we wouldn't need help from the fertility gods.

When Auntie confessed she was desperate for a baby, I told her we wouldn't need help from the fertility gods.

I'm diggin' my cousin's rebellious streak.

I'm diggin' my cousin's rebellious streak.

Since I found the dirt on my aunt, she fears what I'll ask to do next.

Since I found the dirt on my aunt, she fears what I'll ask to do next.

Through my cousins I learned: twins always take care of each other.

Through my cousins I learned: twins always take care of each other.

While her mother works late, my daughter thinks up more interesting ways to pass the time.

While her mother works late, my daughter thinks up more interesting ways to pass the time.

As soon as Aunt Kacy got out of lockup, she called me for help reacclimating.

As soon as Aunt Kacy got out of lockup, she called me for help reacclimating.

My sister has decided to wear a mask even at home now, given all the D variants I'm exposing her to.

My sister has decided to wear a mask even at home now, given all the D variants I'm exposing her to.

To keep me from staring awkwardly at her volleyball matches, sis knows we have to pre-game first.

To keep me from staring awkwardly at her volleyball matches, sis knows we have to pre-game first.

Whenever I bring a new girlfriend home, sis has to make the ultimate power move.

Whenever I bring a new girlfriend home, sis has to make the ultimate power move.

Grandma says by the time I find the right girl to marry, I'll have had plenty of practice for the wedding night.

Grandma says by the time I find the right girl to marry, I'll have had plenty of practice for the wedding night.

During every family portrait session, there's always one goofy photo. Mom's just changed what she means by

During every family portrait session, there's always one goofy photo. Mom's just changed what she means by "goofy".

When our cousin stopped by to help us unpack, sis and I both showed our appreciation.

When our cousin stopped by to help us unpack, sis and I both showed our appreciation.

To keep me from staring awkwardly at her volleyball matches, sis knows we have to pre-game first.

To keep me from staring awkwardly at her volleyball matches, sis knows we have to pre-game first.

Mom said with the money we save on A/C, she'll buy birth control.

Mom said with the money we save on A/C, she'll buy birth control.

"No fate but what we make," I replied to my cousin before making my move.

Big sis promised to get me in shape this school year, no matter what it takes.

Big sis promised to get me in shape this school year, no matter what it takes.

To keep me from staring awkwardly at her volleyball matches, sis knows we have to pre-game first.

To keep me from staring awkwardly at her volleyball matches, sis knows we have to pre-game first.

The summer cabin rules changed as soon as we heard our parents couldn't make it.

The summer cabin rules changed as soon as we heard our parents couldn't make it.

I'll have to think of more ways to reward my sister's BJ skills, since I'm running out of medals.

I'll have to think of more ways to reward my sister's BJ skills, since I'm running out of medals.

I finally got my sister to agree: it's too hot for her black leather.

I finally got my sister to agree: it's too hot for her black leather.

I wonder if dad will ever realize that it's not food I'm picking out of my teeth at the dinner table.

I wonder if dad will ever realize that it's not food I'm picking out of my teeth at the dinner table.

Jeggings are an abomination, so I'm always asking to take them off my sister.

Jeggings are an abomination, so I'm always asking to take them off my sister.

"No fate but what we make," I replied to my cousin before making my move.

With dad often on business travel, mom looks to me to keep the home fires burning.

With dad often on business travel, mom looks to me to keep the home fires burning.

This year, mom promised we could have a very white Christmas.

This year, mom promised we could have a very white Christmas.

Mom kept nagging me about when I was getting married, so as a joke, I proposed to her. It turned out better than I expected.

Mom kept nagging me about when I was getting married, so as a joke, I proposed to her. It turned out better than I expected.

It's really hard to focus on school with my horny big sis still in the house.

It's really hard to focus on school with my horny big sis still in the house.

Every day on Bali with my sister feels like heaven.

Every day on Bali with my sister feels like heaven.

As we got older, my sister and I replaced Saturday morning cartoons with another tradition.

As we got older, my sister and I replaced Saturday morning cartoons with another tradition.

A sister should look up to her older brother.

A sister should look up to her older brother.

Mom said with the money we save on A/C, she'll buy birth control.

Mom said with the money we save on A/C, she'll buy birth control.

Aunty feels a little embarrassed about having to crash in my tiny apartment. And what I ask for in return.

Aunty feels a little embarrassed about having to crash in my tiny apartment. And what I ask for in return.

As the temperatures drop, mom needs even more help staying warm by the pool.

As the temperatures drop, mom needs even more help staying warm by the pool.

Mom does a wicked Ace Ventura impersonation.

Mom does a wicked Ace Ventura impersonation.

Already by the second day of our family vacation, aunty had taken note of all my staring.

Already by the second day of our family vacation, aunty had taken note of all my staring.

I may buy her lingerie at every holiday, but I know my sister is still grateful.

I may buy her lingerie at every holiday, but I know my sister is still grateful.

It's cute to see my sister's loser boyfriend clean up after I finish with her.

It's cute to see my sister's loser boyfriend clean up after I finish with her.

It takes mom forever to get dressed in the morning. Especially when I'm convincing her not to.

It takes mom forever to get dressed in the morning. Especially when I'm convincing her not to.

I've found that having money helps me have my sister.

I've found that having money helps me have my sister.

When I finally arranged to meet my long-lost half-sister in Vietnam, I had no idea about her line of work. After I found out her truth, I couldn't confess mine until I ran out of money.

When I finally arranged to meet my long-lost half-sister in Vietnam, I had no idea about her line of work. After I found out her truth, I couldn't confess mine until I ran out of money.

When sis signed up for the class I'm TA'ing, she knew just what extra assignments to ask for.

When sis signed up for the class I'm TA'ing, she knew just what extra assignments to ask for.

My sister is always angling for more of grandpa's inheritance.

My sister is always angling for more of grandpa's inheritance.

Sis knows I have a sweet tooth.

Sis knows I have a sweet tooth.

I may only have ten minutes between online classes, but mom makes sure I get the most out of them.

I may only have ten minutes between online classes, but mom makes sure I get the most out of them.

I can't help it, but whenever I see my sister's pretty lips, I want to kiss them.

I can't help it, but whenever I see my sister's pretty lips, I want to kiss them.

I don't mind spending most of our boating trips below deck with my aunt.

I don't mind spending most of our boating trips below deck with my aunt.

My mom can be a bit smothering at times, but in a very good way.

My mom can be a bit smothering at times, but in a very good way.

As the days get cooler, I'm always ready to keep my sister warm.

As the days get cooler, I'm always ready to keep my sister warm.

Whenever mom catches my sister acting like a brat to me, she's forced to apologize properly.

Whenever mom catches my sister acting like a brat to me, she's forced to apologize properly.

Whenever I go to check on my daughter, she replies

Whenever I go to check on my daughter, she replies "I could be better, daddy."

Uncle Tony doesn't just stare at my sister anymore.

Uncle Tony doesn't just stare at my sister anymore.

The years of practice didn't truly pay off until my daughter confessed she was my biggest fan.

The years of practice didn't truly pay off until my daughter confessed she was my biggest fan.

I only take long, steamy showers when mom's at home.

I only take long, steamy showers when mom's at home.

When my daughter wants to spend the night in my room, she knows PJs won't cut it.

When my daughter wants to spend the night in my room, she knows PJs won't cut it.

While dad is busy watching football every Sunday, I get to score with mom.

While dad is busy watching football every Sunday, I get to score with mom.

When I realized how handsy my aunt gets when she drinks, I offered to build her a bar.

When I realized how handsy my aunt gets when she drinks, I offered to build her a bar.

"No fate but what we make," I replied to my cousin before making my move.

When mom asked me to break up with my floozy girlfriend, she made a promise in return.

When mom asked me to break up with my floozy girlfriend, she made a promise in return.

As long as I keep up the artsy veneer, mom lets me photograph her any way I want.

As long as I keep up the artsy veneer, mom lets me photograph her any way I want.

I let my daughter do all the decorating, and she lets me do other things.

I let my daughter do all the decorating, and she lets me do other things.

What mom lacks in hide-and-seek skills, she makes up for elsewhere.

What mom lacks in hide-and-seek skills, she makes up for elsewhere.

Every day with my adopted daughter brings its own joys.

Every day with my adopted daughter brings its own joys.

The fun cousin gets invited over more.

The fun cousin gets invited over more.

During every family portrait session, there's always one goofy photo. Mom's just changed what she means by

During every family portrait session, there's always one goofy photo. Mom's just changed what she means by "goofy".

Aunty says we're making a lot of progress in my therapy sessions.

Aunty says we're making a lot of progress in my therapy sessions.

When sis gets a little wine in her, she starts feeling very adulty.

When sis gets a little wine in her, she starts feeling very adulty.

Since mom started crawling into my bed, I shouldn't be surprised at catching my sister crawling into dad's.

Since mom started crawling into my bed, I shouldn't be surprised at catching my sister crawling into dad's.

"You're not going to sleep all day cousin, right?"

Mom has never been shy about showing her affection at home.

Mom has never been shy about showing her affection at home.

It's hard to say I'm not jealous when dad always refers to my sister as

It's hard to say I'm not jealous when dad always refers to my sister as "sweet lips."

Every day with my adopted daughter brings its own joys.

Every day with my adopted daughter brings its own joys.

Since my daughter found a book about Geisha, we've discovered all new interests together.

Since my daughter found a book about Geisha, we've discovered all new interests together.

Aunty feels a little embarrassed about having to crash in my tiny apartment. And what I ask for in return.

Aunty feels a little embarrassed about having to crash in my tiny apartment. And what I ask for in return.

After salsa lessons, aunty offered to show me the horizontal tango.

After salsa lessons, aunty offered to show me the horizontal tango.

With my sister back at home, every day feels like a vacation.

With my sister back at home, every day feels like a vacation.

When my half-sister and I play hide-and-go-seek, she only half hides.

When my half-sister and I play hide-and-go-seek, she only half hides.

It's always a good sign when mom throws the red silk sheets on.

It's always a good sign when mom throws the red silk sheets on.

I love back-to-school shopping with my sister.

I love back-to-school shopping with my sister.

Before even arriving at the first hotel, sis wanted to start bonding on our summer road trip.

Before even arriving at the first hotel, sis wanted to start bonding on our summer road trip.

After my Harvard acceptance letter arrived, tiger-mommy couldn't hold back.

After my Harvard acceptance letter arrived, tiger-mommy couldn't hold back.

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