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Only my wife and daughter know what I like with my morning coffee. And my wife is out of town.

Only my wife and daughter know what I like with my morning coffee. And my wife is out of town.

I can only imagine the mix of anxiousness and excitement when mom told my virgin brother about his birthday present this year.

I can only imagine the mix of anxiousness and excitement when mom told my virgin brother about his birthday present this year.

If sis and I are going to be naughty, might as well really go for it.

If sis and I are going to be naughty, might as well really go for it.

Mom said with the money we save on A/C, she'll buy birth control.

Mom said with the money we save on A/C, she'll buy birth control.

My parents never seem so proud of me as when I'm balls deep in mom.

My parents never seem so proud of me as when I'm balls deep in mom.

I only take long, steamy showers when mom's at home.

I only take long, steamy showers when mom's at home.

Already by the second day of our family vacation, aunty had taken note of all my staring.

Already by the second day of our family vacation, aunty had taken note of all my staring.

Sis always wanted to be a dancer. I just steered it in a particular direction.

Sis always wanted to be a dancer. I just steered it in a particular direction.

Mom likes it when I hug her from the back, too.

Mom likes it when I hug her from the back, too.

My sister and I firmly believe that Legalize shouldn't just be about weed.

My sister and I firmly believe that Legalize shouldn't just be about weed.

Since my daughter found a book about Geisha, we've discovered all new interests together.

Since my daughter found a book about Geisha, we've discovered all new interests together.

Sometimes, things just come together for a bro and his sis.

Sometimes, things just come together for a bro and his sis.

No matter the reason she tells my mom, aunty has only one thing in mind when she calls me over now.

No matter the reason she tells my mom, aunty has only one thing in mind when she calls me over now.

Once I found my long-lost half-sister, I knew I could never tell her the truth.

Once I found my long-lost half-sister, I knew I could never tell her the truth.

Breakfast is when my sister starts to tease me for the day.

Breakfast is when my sister starts to tease me for the day.

When my sister lost her job at Wendy's, I let her move in with me. On two simple conditions.

When my sister lost her job at Wendy's, I let her move in with me. On two simple conditions.

When Auntie confessed she was desperate for a baby, I told her we wouldn't need help from the fertility gods.

When Auntie confessed she was desperate for a baby, I told her we wouldn't need help from the fertility gods.

When I offered mom a weekend getaway, there was no question of booking two rooms.

When I offered mom a weekend getaway, there was no question of booking two rooms.

After salsa lessons, aunty offered to show me the horizontal tango.

After salsa lessons, aunty offered to show me the horizontal tango.

Taking my cousin on vacation is providing a welcome release for both of us.

Taking my cousin on vacation is providing a welcome release for both of us.

Being known as the fun uncle just gets more rewarding over time.

Being known as the fun uncle just gets more rewarding over time.

Mom decided to make this Christmas unforgettable for both of us.

Mom decided to make this Christmas unforgettable for both of us.

While dad is busy watching football every Sunday, I get to score with mom.

While dad is busy watching football every Sunday, I get to score with mom.

I think Aunty JJ and I are both going to enjoy this pool season.

I think Aunty JJ and I are both going to enjoy this pool season.

"This is the part where you get undressed too, nephew."

Since mom started crawling into my bed, I shouldn't be surprised at catching my sister crawling into dad's.

Since mom started crawling into my bed, I shouldn't be surprised at catching my sister crawling into dad's.

This year, my princess gets to share daddy's bed.

This year, my princess gets to share daddy's bed.

Every trip to the park with my cousin comes with a happy ending.

Every trip to the park with my cousin comes with a happy ending.

I may only have ten minutes between online classes, but mom makes sure I get the most out of them.

I may only have ten minutes between online classes, but mom makes sure I get the most out of them.

As the days get cooler, I'm always ready to keep my sister warm.

As the days get cooler, I'm always ready to keep my sister warm.

I can't help that my sister looks better than any decorations.

I can't help that my sister looks better than any decorations.

With my sister back at home, every day feels like a vacation.

With my sister back at home, every day feels like a vacation.

Every day with my adopted daughter brings its own joys.

Every day with my adopted daughter brings its own joys.

My aunt has a thing for old-fashioned cocktails, old-fashioned décor, and old-fashioned inbreeding.

My aunt has a thing for old-fashioned cocktails, old-fashioned décor, and old-fashioned inbreeding.

To keep me from staring awkwardly at her volleyball matches, sis knows we have to pre-game first.

To keep me from staring awkwardly at her volleyball matches, sis knows we have to pre-game first.

Now when I hear mom running a bath, I know it's for the two of us.

Now when I hear mom running a bath, I know it's for the two of us.

Whenever my sisters ask me to pick between two styles, I always like both.

Whenever my sisters ask me to pick between two styles, I always like both.

There are some dares even I'm surprised my sister will go through with.

There are some dares even I'm surprised my sister will go through with.

Bath time is way more fun when dad's not around.

Bath time is way more fun when dad's not around.

Whenever my sisters ask me to pick between two styles, I always like both.

Whenever my sisters ask me to pick between two styles, I always like both.

When I realized how handsy my aunt gets when she drinks, I offered to build her a bar.

When I realized how handsy my aunt gets when she drinks, I offered to build her a bar.

Breakfast is when my sister starts to tease me for the day.

Breakfast is when my sister starts to tease me for the day.

I only attend stuffy parties at my Aunt and Uncle's house because my cousin thinks I'm cute.

I only attend stuffy parties at my Aunt and Uncle's house because my cousin thinks I'm cute.

My aunt has a thing for old-fashioned cocktails, old-fashioned décor, and old-fashioned inbreeding.

My aunt has a thing for old-fashioned cocktails, old-fashioned décor, and old-fashioned inbreeding.

After a yummy dinner at my aunt and uncle's, it was time to explore my cousin's room.

After a yummy dinner at my aunt and uncle's, it was time to explore my cousin's room.

Mom's always saying: two is the perfect number of sons.

Mom's always saying: two is the perfect number of sons.

The Tuscan sun looks good on my sister.

The Tuscan sun looks good on my sister.

"You're not going to sleep all day cousin, right?"

An obedient daughter is a lifelong joy.

An obedient daughter is a lifelong joy.

It's always a good sign when mom throws the red silk sheets on.

It's always a good sign when mom throws the red silk sheets on.

Every day with my adopted daughter brings its own joys.

Every day with my adopted daughter brings its own joys.

Already by the second day of our family vacation, aunty had taken note of all my staring.

Already by the second day of our family vacation, aunty had taken note of all my staring.

My aunt has a thing for old-fashioned cocktails, old-fashioned décor, and old-fashioned inbreeding.

My aunt has a thing for old-fashioned cocktails, old-fashioned décor, and old-fashioned inbreeding.

I may only have ten minutes between online classes, but mom makes sure I get the most out of them.

I may only have ten minutes between online classes, but mom makes sure I get the most out of them.

Taking my cousin on vacation is providing a welcome release for both of us.

Taking my cousin on vacation is providing a welcome release for both of us.

When mom sees me making plans with girls, she asks: Why go out for hamburger when you've got steak at home?

When mom sees me making plans with girls, she asks: Why go out for hamburger when you've got steak at home?

With dad often on business travel, mom looks to me to keep the home fires burning.

With dad often on business travel, mom looks to me to keep the home fires burning.

During every family portrait session, there's always one goofy photo. Mom's just changed what she means by

During every family portrait session, there's always one goofy photo. Mom's just changed what she means by "goofy".

Time flies in my apartment. So aunty is always in a rush when she leaves.

Time flies in my apartment. So aunty is always in a rush when she leaves.

Sis and I decided there's only one way to truly celebrate the summer solstice.

Sis and I decided there's only one way to truly celebrate the summer solstice.

Nosy neighbors keep my sister a little paranoid, but I know how to distract her.

Nosy neighbors keep my sister a little paranoid, but I know how to distract her.

I've been getting good vibes from my cousin all summer.

I've been getting good vibes from my cousin all summer.

Uncle Tony doesn't just stare at my sister anymore.

Uncle Tony doesn't just stare at my sister anymore.

Since mom started crawling into my bed, I shouldn't be surprised at catching my sister crawling into dad's.

Since mom started crawling into my bed, I shouldn't be surprised at catching my sister crawling into dad's.

"No fate but what we make," I replied to my cousin before making my move.

When my daughter wants to spend the night in my room, she knows PJs won't cut it.

When my daughter wants to spend the night in my room, she knows PJs won't cut it.

When my sister and I found the 1970s bed where our parents made us, we decided to recreate the scene.

When my sister and I found the 1970s bed where our parents made us, we decided to recreate the scene.

It takes mom forever to get dressed in the morning. Especially when I'm convincing her not to.

It takes mom forever to get dressed in the morning. Especially when I'm convincing her not to.

In the end, it wasn't hard for my daughter to convince me that she's a grown woman now.

In the end, it wasn't hard for my daughter to convince me that she's a grown woman now.

When sis signed up for the class I'm TA'ing, she knew just what extra assignments to ask for.

When sis signed up for the class I'm TA'ing, she knew just what extra assignments to ask for.

Once I found my long-lost half-sister, I knew I could never tell her the truth.

Once I found my long-lost half-sister, I knew I could never tell her the truth.

The Tuscan sun looks good on my sister.

The Tuscan sun looks good on my sister.

Whenever my sisters ask me to pick between two styles, I always like both.

Whenever my sisters ask me to pick between two styles, I always like both.

I've been getting good vibes from my cousin all summer.

I've been getting good vibes from my cousin all summer.

The time I managed to get my girlfriend and sister naked in the same room, it was hard to focus on my girlfriend.

The time I managed to get my girlfriend and sister naked in the same room, it was hard to focus on my girlfriend.

"This is the part where you get undressed too, nephew."

The Tuscan sun looks good on my sister.

The Tuscan sun looks good on my sister.

Mom kept nagging me about when I was getting married, so as a joke, I proposed to her. It turned out better than I expected.

Mom kept nagging me about when I was getting married, so as a joke, I proposed to her. It turned out better than I expected.

"You're not going to sleep all day cousin, right?"

Mom has never been shy about showing her affection at home.

Mom has never been shy about showing her affection at home.

Mom's always saying: two is the perfect number of sons.

Mom's always saying: two is the perfect number of sons.

I've found that having money helps me have my sister.

I've found that having money helps me have my sister.

I didn't mind choosing a

I didn't mind choosing a "nerdy instrument" if it meant practicing with my big sister.

Whenever I bring a new girlfriend home, sis has to make the ultimate power move.

Whenever I bring a new girlfriend home, sis has to make the ultimate power move.

When my half-sister and I play hide-and-go-seek, she only half hides.

When my half-sister and I play hide-and-go-seek, she only half hides.

Mom's always saying: two is the perfect number of sons.

Mom's always saying: two is the perfect number of sons.

Fewer questions arise when I visit my cousin through the garden entrance.

Fewer questions arise when I visit my cousin through the garden entrance.

Together for the holidays, it's great to watch Nana appreciate mom almost as much as I do.

Together for the holidays, it's great to watch Nana appreciate mom almost as much as I do.

I'll have to think of more ways to reward my sister's BJ skills, since I'm running out of medals.

I'll have to think of more ways to reward my sister's BJ skills, since I'm running out of medals.

I'm already glad my aunt came to visit for the summer.

I'm already glad my aunt came to visit for the summer.

Fewer questions arise when I visit my cousin through the garden entrance.

Fewer questions arise when I visit my cousin through the garden entrance.

I've always been curious, but now mom worries about how far it will go.

I've always been curious, but now mom worries about how far it will go.

Even when I make my bed in the morning, mom just wants to mess it up again.

Even when I make my bed in the morning, mom just wants to mess it up again.

As the temperatures drop, mom needs even more help staying warm by the pool.

As the temperatures drop, mom needs even more help staying warm by the pool.

When my daughter wants to spend the night in my room, she knows PJs won't cut it.

When my daughter wants to spend the night in my room, she knows PJs won't cut it.

I love back-to-school shopping with my sister.

I love back-to-school shopping with my sister.

The summer cabin rules changed as soon as we heard our parents couldn't make it.

The summer cabin rules changed as soon as we heard our parents couldn't make it.

As we got older, my sister and I replaced Saturday morning cartoons with another tradition.

As we got older, my sister and I replaced Saturday morning cartoons with another tradition.

Lakeside isn't as exciting as a beach, but my sister and I still manage to have a good time.

Lakeside isn't as exciting as a beach, but my sister and I still manage to have a good time.

When mommy started paying me as her personal assistant, she expected me to act like one, too.

When mommy started paying me as her personal assistant, she expected me to act like one, too.